Another date to remember?

I just hate that I don’t remember dates. It used to bother me more because somehow I thought I would forget someone if I didn’t remember their birth date. But now I realize more than ever that maybe not remembering the date when my sister died on December 11 isn’t going to change my memories of her.

That’s all I have left really that I can say is mine and no one can touch them.
Grief is so hideous, it actually made me feel like I am alone. I was choking on a scream and trying to talk at the same time and I said “I feel like I don’t have any sisters”. Abandonment issues come into play. Oh where, oh where is my therapist gone?

I know I do have 4 sisters and as a matter of face I have more now than some people get in their lives. So what is this hideous feeling….

I have always been one to try to stay strong but I am not that right now. Maybe I will change into something new. I hope so. I wait patiently for the day when it doesn’t hurt quite so much.

One thought on “Another date to remember?

  1. I think it is much harder on you and my older siblings because you have so many more memories that I never will. You have memories of being a kid with her, of living with her every day for so many years. I don’t have those memories. She was always a “grown up” to me and never lived so close that I saw her regularly or had regular conversations.

    I choked too. I covered my face with a tissue and screamed like I couldn’t breath and kept yelling, “she can’t breath, she can’t breath.” That was just hours before she passed. It was scary.

    Big hugs to you sis. Memory of dates doesn’t matter. That’s why we have calendars and post-it notes. Enjoy those memories you do have.

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